What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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