He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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