last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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