I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
