I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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