happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
well, you know. whores of a feather.