I think my vagina is haunted
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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