fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?