C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i have herpe
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.