i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?