I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
