We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
