Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
