You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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