Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They took my balls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
