I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
