I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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