it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
