found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
