Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize