There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
