awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would ride that face into the sunset
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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