and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
