if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
