Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
