you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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