bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
pray to the hookup gods
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