Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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