i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
