Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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