No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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