I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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