his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
