Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
