Pappa wants mamma naked
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
