I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize