I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
