Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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