You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
