I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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