Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
