when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
