How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I deserve this hangover.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
