I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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