dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and she was petting her beer can
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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