I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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