do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
did you just send me my own nude
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
