I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
