The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
