apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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