you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
