I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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