Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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