she was so not down for the gang bang
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
