Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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