To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
