I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
false alarm, still single
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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