i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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