O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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