I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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