just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
