if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
