I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
