Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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