What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
