Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
