I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
