In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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