I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
