i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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