I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
