A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my poor anus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
