hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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