so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
